


Saturday pizza

by b0rnbackwards



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: College, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-06
Updated: 2013-04-06
Packaged: 2017-12-07 15:12:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/749948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b0rnbackwards/pseuds/b0rnbackwards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Alright guys, line up!" Someone says in a rigid voice as they enter the court. Stiles looks up, thinking it must be some kind of creepy guy who would make Scott  clumsy and cause him to have an asthma attack, even though he’s a werewolf now and and no longer has them. But by looking at him, Stiles notices he’s not scary at all. He’s familiar. Tough expression, scruffybeard, and blue eyes that seem to change color when he moves his head. Stiles doesn’t know his name, or remember where he knows him from, but he knows him, and for some reason, he makes Stiles’ heart jump.</p><p>Aka the one in which Derek is the captain of the basketball team and Stiles is a med student who doesn't know he's gay until Scott decides to join the basketball team.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saturday pizza

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote a shitty Sterek fic.  
> I wanted a fic where the effects of the fire were still pungent on Derek --him afraid of everything that envolved people around him or asking him questions, and panic attacks. I wish I could say I was sorry but I don't speak english--, and Stiles discovering his sexuality a little later than usual people, and also love at first sight because love at first sight is amazing.  
> Thanks [Gabriela](http://forensicallyyours.tumblr.com/) for being the best beta ever, and for all the love and support, I don't think I would have the courage to post this anywhere if it wasn't for you.  
> I borrowed Derek as the basketball team's captain from halesparkles' fic, Game on. Stiles being a med student just happened to happen in both our fics.  
> Also, I use Derek's 'wolfy' eyes -the beta blue gorgeous ones- ans his natural ones on the fic. Sue me.

"No, dude, I'm not joining the team." Stiles reaffirms. "I'm the cheerleader, remember?" He says, raising his arms.  
"Hey, you wanna be someone in college or not?" Scott asks.  
"Scott, I'm pre-med, I won’t have time anyway." Scott rolls his eyes at this.  
"What about the girls? I have Allison, but how about you? Where are you going to meet girls?"  
"Umm ... Supporting you from the bleachers? " Stiles said. He couldn’t care less about meeting girls, actually.  
They watch some boys running and jumping in the middle of the court, and Scott shakes his head before going down to join them. Stiles sits on one of the long benches, opens an anatomy book and starts to read.  
"Alright guys, line up!" Someone says in a rigid voice as they enter the court. Stiles looks up, thinking it must be some kind of creepy guy who would make Scott clumsy and cause him to have an asthma attack, even though he’s a werewolf now and and no longer has them. But by looking at him, Stiles notices he’s not scary at all. He’s familiar. Tough expression, scruffybeard, and blue eyes that seem to change color when he moves his head. Stiles doesn’t know his name, or remember where he knows him from, but he knows him, and for some reason, he makes Stiles’ heart jump.  
Stiles can’t take his eyes off the young man until someone touches his shoulder.  
"Stiles, dude!" Stiles jumps in fright and his book falls to the ground when he stands up.  
"Holy shit Scott, you scared me." He says as he picks the book up off the floor and puts it in his backpack.  
"Well you too, I screamed your name like a hundred times from down there." Scott retorts, indicating the court.  
"Sorry, I was distracted."Stiles puts the backpack strap over his shoulder and they walk side by side intending to leave the court. As they walk, Scott talks about how amazing he was and how he was totally joining the team. Passing through the door, they pass by the team captain.  
"Hey, Scott?" Stiles interrupts something Scott is saying.  
"Yeah?"  
"Who's that?" Stiles asked, pointing to the team captain.  
"Umm ... Derek Hale, captain of the team, popular dude?"  
"Right. Derek Hale.” Derek Hale, the guy who had stared at him in Lydia’s garden the summer before he started college. He's Derek Hale! How could Stiles have forgotten his name?  
When they get to the small apartment they shared, they find Allison watching TV, and a lasagna on the kitchen table waiting for them. And for some reason, the name Derek doesn't leave Stiles' head for the rest of the night.

***

Derek sits on the bench in front of his dorm and opens a book about something. It doesn’t matter what the book is about, he isn’t going to read it anyway. He just needs an excuse to be alone so he can grab fresh air and think. The cold air filling his lungs makes him relax, and his mind gets filled with memories of the first time he saw Stiles Stilinski.

_It was the summer after his second year of college and he was back in Beacon Hills visiting his sister, Laura. They wandered aimlessly through the streets, before entering the front of a big house located between the city and the forest. In the garden, a group of teenagers seemed to be having a party, but soon Derek realized they were just excited for the party going on inside the house. A redheaded girl beckoned everyone to go inside the house. However, one guy stayed outside, talking on his phone.  
"You know what, Erica? Good luck in New York City. I'm done."  
He hung up before the girl had time to answer, and his gaze met Derek’s. Derek immediately felt something he had never felt before, his whole body shuddered, and he desperately wanted to approach the guy. Derek wanted to hold him, kiss him, and feel the heat of his body.  
Someone called the guy’s name, breaking the long look they were sharing, and the guy awkwardly stumbled as he turned and entered the house.  
Totally, completely adorable, Derek thought.  
Derek scolded himself for finding someone adorable. He felt terribly attracted to the guy, a guy he had only seen once.  
He asked Laura if she knew who he was.  
"That's Stiles, the Sheriff's kid. Why?"  
Great. He felt attracted to the Sheriff's son._

_And over the last two years he had tried to convince himself that he is not gay, and that he doesn’t have a tremendous crush on the Sheriff’s son._

He closes the book and sighs.  
Because of that kid, he spent two years not going to the parties on campus, he just didn't feel a thing for girls anymore, and everytime he went out, he went to places far from campus so he wouldn't meet anyone he knows and could hook up with guys without being bothered or questioned -to be completely honest, he is kind of scared of people crowding him to question him about anything, is just terrible. He had been completely, totally fine with hiding wo he really was from the world, but now with this kid joining the team and Stiles being aparently his best friend, Derek could smell the trouble he was getting into.  
Damn you, Stiles Stilinski.

***

They don’t see each other on campus for a week. Both conclude that this is because of their different course loads. Despite this, neither can get the other guy out of their heads. To be completely honest, Stiles was already confused and not seeing Derek all week didn’t help him with his confusion. Thankfully, on Friday he finally has an excuse to do see Derek again, when they release the list of those who made the basketball team. Of course Stiles, as the best friend anyone could ever ask for, comes with Scott to the court. They arrive right as Derek is taping the list to the wall outside the court. Scott finds his name on the list and joins the rest of the team to celebrate, leaving Stiles free to ignore the celebration and just look at Derek. To his surprise, Derek was already watching him. They look at each other for a long time, and Stiles spends most of it wondering what it is about Derek that made him stop being attracted to girls.  
Scott shakes him out of his thoughts by coming up and reminding him that they have class in 15 minutes. As he walks with Scott to the science building, Stiles decides he needs to talk to someone about it. But not Scott. Scott is his best friend, and Stiles has no reason to complain, but Scott wouldn’t understand.

***

"Hello?" Danny answered the phone with a lazy voice.  
"Hey, Danny"  
"Umm .. Stiles?"  
"Yeah. Listen, I need to talk to you "  
"Sure man, what's up?"  
"I think I might be gay?" Danny makes a sound of surprise.  
"And how did you ..."  
"You know who Derek Hale is, right?"  
"Yeah, he’s an engineering student too. Oh my god, you're not..."  
"Yeah, I kind of have a crush on him ..."  
"Holy shit, Stiles. I don’t think he's gay. "  
"Well the way he looks at me tells me otherwise."  
"The way he what?! Stiles, oh my god, you turned him gay? "  
"I - No! Look, Danny, what do I do?"  
"Well if you guys are already flirting at a distance, just talk to him."  
"Talk to him? Oh thanks Danny, you are a genius."  
"Well that's all you can do. Talk to him, maybe you can hang out and who knows." Stiles sighs.  
"Sure. Thanks dude. "  
"Anytime."  
Stiles hangs up the phone and decides to talk to Derek, and try to figure out what exactly his feelings for Derek are.

***

It is Saturday night and Stiles has nothing to do, obviously, so he goes to the library to study, and give Allison and Scott some space. Also, he has to review for his anatomy test on Monday.  
"Hey, we're closing." The librarian alerts him. He leaves the library and begins to wander aimlessly around campus.  
He sits on a lawn between two dorms and leans against a tree. He doesn’t bother to open any of his books since it is impossible to read anything with so little light. He puts in his earphones and begis to play on his phone to distract himself. Sometime later he feels something lightly hit his leg and jumps in fright, pulling the earphones out instantly.  
"Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.” Sitting next to him is Derek Hale, speaking in a low voice Stiles would never in the world have recognized as Derek's if he wasn’t looking at him as he speaks. Stiles tries to calm down, even knowing that his heartbeat won’t return to its normal rhythm for a while.  
"It's fine. Aren’t you supposed to be at some party or something? " Stiles asks, because Derek is good looking, and aparently popular, so he's probably invited to all kinds of cool stuff.  
"Yeah, I suppose. I'm not a big fan of parties, though. "  
"So you just stay alone on Saturday nights?"  
"Not all of them." Derek listens to Stiles’ heart pounding, thankful that Stiles can’t hear how his own is, which is not much better, actually. "So, why are _you_ alone on a Saturday night?"  
"Well, all my friends are dating, and It don’t really know a lot of people, so no parties." Stiles answers honestly, justifying himself right after. "I'm a pre-med, so I do not have a lot of time to ... get to know people."  
"Yeah, Stiles." Derek says sarcastically. Stiles is surprised, Derek Hale knows his name?  
"You know my name? How did you know my name?"  
"Nah, it was a shot in the dark." Derek retorts. So the popular guy is sarcastic, huh. "What kind of name is Stiles anyway?"  
"Not the real one." Stiles responds. Derek frowns at that.  
"What's your real name then?"  
"Not telling. Don’t take it personally, I just don’t tell anyone."  
Derek shrugs, and silence falls between them. A few minutes later, Stiles finally gets enough courage to break it. "Hey, you wanna grab something to eat?"  
"What?" Derek asks, sounding shocked at the proposal.  
"Well, I'm alone, you're alone, and I'm starving. Let's grab a pizza." Derek arches an eyebrow. "Look, it's Saturday night and we're alone. I'm doing my best."  
"Fine. You have a test on Monday, right? I can help you study."  
"I thought you were an engineering student?"  
"I am. But you look like the type of nerd who makes flash cards." At that comment, Stiles is not sure if he should feel offended or not.  
"Yeah, actually I do." He confesses, simply. A giggle escapes Derek’s mouth as he stands up, gesturing for Stiles to follow him. They walk towards the dorm on their left.

***

"... Aaaand right again. There you go; you're ready for your test."  
Derek seems indifferent the entire time, which further confused Stiles. He can swear he saw Derek looking at him now and again, but he isn’t sure of the reason, so he decides that Derek isn’t attracted to him, so he won’t get his hopes up.  
"Thanks for the help." He says, picking up the flash cards and practically tossing them in his backpack. Derek shrugs.  
"How did you know I had a test?" Stiles asks.  
"I have friends in med school." Derek responds, indifferent.  
"Right."  
Stiles looks around and finally notices Derek’s room. His and his roommate’s walls are covered with banners, posters, and other basketball paraphernalia. The wall above Derek’s desk is covered with photos of Derek with friends, and some old family photos in which he couldn't recognize Derek in. It's a cool room.  
"You’ve got a cool room."  
"Yeah. The only thing I don’t like about it is my roommate." Stiles chuckles.  
"He can’t be that bad."  
"You have no idea." Stiles shrugs in response.  
"Can’t be worse than Scott." Stiles replies. It isn’t exactly true, though. Scott is messy, and seems to have a very bad sense of smell, especially for a wolf. Stiles doesn’t know how his wolf nose isn’t bothered by the smell of the mountain of dirty clothes he leaves every month in Stiles’ bathroom, to hide it from Allison, but he isn't exactly a bad roommate. He's just... a messy roommate.  
Derek shrugs and opens his mouth to say something, but Stiles’ cell rings.  
"Hey, Danny." Danny seems to be asking a question, Stiles nervously glances at Derek. "No, I'm in a friend's room; he's helping me study for my anatomy test." Derek arches an eyebrow at the sound of Stiles’ heart jumping as he says the word 'friend'. The truth is, Stiles isn’t sure of what he feels for Derek, so he is apprehensive about calling Derek his friend. "Yes, Danny, he's in my class. Oh my God, Danny. I'm hanging up. Bye."  
"What was that about?"  
"Nothing. Danny's just being an asshole. "Derek grins, knowing that Danny had asked if Stiles was with him, and making jokes about Stiles having a crush on him.  
"Right." Derek says, finally.  
Upon seeing Derek’s grin, Stiles remembers Scott telling him after tryouts that Derek is a werewolf too. Stiles feels his cheeks heat up and turn red at this thought, because shit, he probably heard the whole thing.  
"Oh my God." Stiles whispers before he can stop himself. Derek is not sure if Stiles knows that he heard what Danny said, so he keeps quiet and acts indifferent.  
"What?"  
"Nothing." Stiles looks back at the pictures on the wall.  
"You know I'm not gay, don’t you?" The words seems to escape from Derek's mouth before he can shut it. Suddenly, Stiles forgets how to breathe.  
"I-Yeah,” Stiles is confused at first, but a second later he gets irritated “or at least I would, if you weren’t constantly checking me out." Derek feels embarrassed knowing that Stiles had noticed his looks.  
"I. .." He can’t find anything to say. Stiles smiles in satisfaction, watching as Derek’s cheeks turn red. The bedroom door opens and Stiles sees Derek's roommate coming in with a girl.  
"Oh… I should probably go." He grabbs his backpack and wished Derek a good night before returning to his apartment.

***

During the week that follows, Derek and Stiles don’t speak to each other. Derek absolutely _does not_ spend the entire week regretting letting Stiles leave his room and not asking for his number. Not at all.  
Stiles doesn’t show up to watch the team practice that week, because he has tests to study for. But he can’t stop thinking about Derek.  
On Thursday, after his last test, Stiles opens his Facebook and sees a friend request from Derek Hale. He accepts the request and goes to Derek’s profile. His profile photo looks like he was caught by surprise, and Stiles wonders why there isn’t the glare in his eyes, that happens when Scott’s picture is taken. As if guessing what Stiles was doing, Derek messages him when he's looking through Derek’s pictures. Seeing the name Derek on the blue bar, Stiles opens the message.

_free on Saturday?_

_yeah_

_pizza?_

_sure_

_cool  
_  
Stiles is confused. He doesn’t know if it is a date, if he should dress up a little, or what. He refuses to get his hopes up and convinces himself that it is _not_ a date.  
They agree to meet at nine and Stiles closes Facebook to avoid distractions while he works on his homework.

***

Stiles is finishing the last page of his homework when someone touches his shoulder.  
"Hey, Stiles." Derek says as he sits beside him at the library table, and Stiles tries to calm down from the scare he'd just had.  
"Can you stop scaring me? _God_." He glances at his watch. It is seven in the evening. "I thought you said nine?"  
"I did. I'm here because I need a book."  
"Right." Derek leaves his books on the table and enters in between the shelves. He returns some time later with a stack of papers in his hands.  
"The copy machine's working again, finally. I'm fucking tired of staying here to study. "  
"It’s the quietest space on campus, it’s nice studying here." Stiles says, wondering at Derek’s objections to studying in the library.  
"Not a big fan of a lot of silence." Derek says, grabbing his books and turning towards the door. "See ya."  
Stiles doesn’t bother to respond.  
At nine-fifteen, Stiles knocks on Derek's door holding a pizza with his right hand.  
"You're late." Derek mutters.  
"I brought the pizza!" Stiles defends himself as he enters the room. He puts the pizza on Derek’s desk and opens the box, taking a slice. Derek does the same, as Stiles moves to sit on his bed. For some reason, Stiles feels at home in Derek’s room.  
"So, what do you wanna do?" Stiles asks.  
"I do not know. Don’t you have any tests to study for?"  
"Nope." Stiles thinks for a moment, before his face lights up as an idea pops into his head. "How about we play truth or dare?"  
"What? I’m sorry, are we in middle school again?" Derek snaps.  
"You have a better idea?" Derek sighs and rolls his eyes.  
"Fine. But how about every time someone refuses a dare or fails it, that person tells the other something they never told anyone else. Deal?"  
"Deal."  
"Truth or dare?"  
"Truth."  
"Why did you choose medicine?"  
"I wanna be very very rich," Stiles joked, before continuing on in a serious manner "I wanna help people. It’s what I like to do, help others."  
"Right."  
"Truth or dare?"  
"Dare.”  
"I dare you ..." Stiles takes a moment to think "to run around that lawn," he points to the lawn where they had sat the previous week "on all fours, like a dog ..." A grin formes across his face "Naked."  
"Seriously Stiles? Seriously? What the fuck man. "Stiles tries to hold in a laugh.  
"That or you tell me something you never told anyone. You made the deal yourself, Hale." Derek rolls his eyes.  
"I’m gay. I've been fighting and hiding it, and I’m afraid of accepting it. Happy? " Stiles feels sorry for Derek. Not that he's ready to take on anything, but he isn’t sure of anything yet. Derek already knows he's gay, had known for some time, and is afraid of being exposed. Stiles suddenly feels guilty for thinking of a challenge that would force Derek to talk.  
"Truth or dare?" Derek finally says, pulling Stiles out of his thoughts and back to the game.  
"Dare." Maybe, just maybe, it is guilt talking for Stiles. But he doesn’t mind.  
"I dare you ..." Derek takes a small basketball from a shelf on the wall and puts it in Stiles’ hand. "To score a shot without looking." He points to the basket that is behind the door. Stiles poses and stands facing it with a little distance, and then turns. He throws the ball with the best technique he learned from Scott, and misses. Derek laughs.  
"I don’t even need to try hard on my dares," he says.  
"Very funny."  
"Come on, tell me something."  
"Fine, fine." Stiles sits again. "Sometimes I still have panic attacks in the middle of the night. Most of them happen when I go to sleep stressed, but some of them happen when I miss my mom too much."  
"Your mom?"  
"Yeah. She died when I was twelve. " Derek says nothing more.  
Stiles sighs. "Truth or dare?"  
The game continued and by the end of the night Stiles and Derek knew more about each other than the two expected.  
Derek said he lost his mother too, along with the rest of his family. They had all died in a fire. He now has only one sister, who is the only person he trusts. Derek also confessed that the only reason he was studying engineering was because since he was a kid he had enjoyed building things, but what he really wanted to do was be an executive and lead a company, an engineering one.  
Stiles made the largest number of confessions, of course. Derek didn’t have to think too hard to find an activity that Stiles couldn’t do, and at the end of the night he already knew enough about Stiles. He suffers from hypervigilance and ADHD, he cares more about the health of his father than most young men his age, he wasn’t quite sure whether he was gay or not, and what he felt for Scott was much more than just friendship. Stiles felt as if he and Scott were brothers, not that it wasn’t obvious, he just thought it was something that should be said out loud.  
Getting pizza together on Saturdays quickly became a tradition. As they got to know each other better, they found more activities to do together. They watched action movies, which bored Stiles to death, but he didn’t complain since they gave him a chance to look at Derek without being noticed, and Derek started coaching Stiles in basketball practice , even though Stiles did not play very well , he still enjoyed the sport.  
Soon they were texting every day, and once or twice a week they would stay up late playing basketball. Sometimes they would just pretend to play as they talked.  
During their bonding time, Stiles noticed that Derek was not as tough and cold hearted as Stiles had originally thought. He had lost almost his entire family, and for some reason, he felt responsible for it. The guy had been through hard times, and because of that he had problems trusting people, who was Stiles to judge? Behind Derek’s mask of the indifferent tough guy, he was a young man with a strong personality and a pure heart. Once you got used to his gruffiness, it was easy to like him. Too damn easy, actually.  
It didn't take more than three weeks for Stiles to fall in love with Derek. For some reason, Derek trusted him, and opened up to him. Slowly, the two of them began to share more about their lives.They created a strong friendship, and Stiles was unwilling to damage it by trying to force Derek into something he did not want , especially knowing Derek’s insecurities about his sexuality --even though Stiles thought Derek was too old to feel so confused--, Stiles didn’t want to do anything that would make Derek feel uncomfortable.  
For the first time in a long time, Stiles was sure of who he was and what he wanted. He was gay. And he wanted Derek.  
"You can’t disagree with your heart, Derek," He remembers telling Derek. "The damn thing goes after what the damn thing wants."  
Maybe it was an attempt to get Derek to give theire relationship a chance, just maybe, but Stiles knew that Derek's insecurities were just results of the anger he felt because he had discovered something new about himself at twenty, and he was not completely sure about it.  
Derek is a stubborn guy and hates not being right, specially about himself, no Stiles just stopped touching the subject eventually.

***

"Hey, dude, you're going to Isaac's this weekend, right?" Scott asks as he sits down next to Stiles in the cafeteria. Damn, he had completely forgotten that a week ago they had agreed to spend this weekend at Isaac’s beach house  
"I have no one to take, dude."  
"Well, just go with me and Allison."  
"What? You're kidding, right? "  
"Well, then just find someone. It’s not that hard. "  
"Yeah I doubt any girl is going to travel to the beach with some weirdo she just met."  
"Stiles ..." Scott says, his voice suddenly low.  
"What?"  
"I know ..."  
"Know what?"  
"I know you're gay, dude. And it's okay. Just find a guy. " Stiles frowns, confused.  
"How did you even get to that?"  
"Well, I’ve known you since we were kids and your heartbeat speed up when you talk about Derek ..."  
"Oh. .."  
"Why don’t you just ask him to go with you?"  
"We're not dating, Scott."  
"Yeah, so? Just ask him. " Stiles sighs.  
"He has this thing about being with guys and…You know what, okay, fine,I'll ask him." Stiles sands up and walks towards the court. He knew that Derek liked to study there in the afternoon. When he gets to the court he sees Derek sitting in the stands and runs towards him, sitting down beside him. Derek's working on a calculus problem that looks complicated, so Stiles keeps quiet until he was finished. After Derek had finishes his problem he acts distant.  
"What are you doing here?" He asks, roughly.  
"I-It’s just that…umm ... We’re going to a beach house, and everyone is going in couples, and I'm going alone, so, I thought…"  
"I'm not your boyfriend, Stiles." Derek interrupts. Stiles feels his heart ache, not because of Derek's words, but how he says them, spits them out, as if he didn’t want Stiles around, as if he wanted Stiles to vanish that instant. Stiles ignores the pain and tries to look as nonchalant as he can. Mission failed.  
"It was never about you being my boyfriend, Derek. I like hanging out with you and I just…You know what, never mind." Derek’s expression doesn’t change, he just keeps staring at Stiles as if he wanted him out of there. Stiles gives up on trying to act indifferent and allows his emotions to be displayed across his face. But when that has no effect on Derek, he turns to leave. "You know, I thought we were at least friends. I thought you cared." Derek stays quiet, so Stiles leaves and goes straight to his apartment.  
He doesn’t study in the library all that week, because it reminded him of the times when Derek went there to find Stiles, either because Derek wanted to talk, or needed a distraction. Almost every part of campus is now filled with memories of times he had shared with Derek, except for the science building and the cafeteria.  
He doesn’t hear from Derek all week. Scott seems to read his thoughts and doesn’t bring it up. On Thursday, when Scott got back from practice, though, that changes. He seems concerned as he enters the apartment and looks at Stiles.  
"Dude, what the hell happened between you and Derek?"  
"Why?"  
"Well because this week you guys just stopped talking out of nowhere and now he ..." Scott seems to remember something, and hesitates to continue speaking.  
"Now he what?" Stiles spits the words out.  
Silence.  
Scott seems to be trying to decide whether or not to speak.  
"You know what? Better you hear it from me. He showed up with a girl at practice today."  
The words hits Stiles like a punch to the ribs. He can’t breathe for a moment. Scott rus up to him to make sure he’s okay, and as his breathing returnes to normal, Stiles sits still with his eyes looking down at his lap. When he finally looks up, a cold and empty look stares at the wall.  
"Stiles, I'm so sorry ..." Scott mutters.  
"It’s fine, Scott. I knew he would do this eventually. I knew he would break my heart. I knew he was trouble, and I went after him anyway. I let myself fall for him. It's my fault. "  
"Is not your fault, Stiles." Allison says, kneeling next to him and holding his hand. Stiles remains immobile.  
"Well, it doesn’t matter now, does it?" He retorts. Allison stands up and touches his shoulder, trying to comfort him, but Stiles doesn’t feel any better.  
A long silence fills the room, and when Stiles realizes that Scott and Allison wanted to watch TV, he left, took a shower and went to bed. he gets out, takes a shower and goes to bed. It takes him hours to fall asleep, and when he finally succeeds, he has the impression that he didn’t sleep for even fifteen minutes before the panic attack wakes him up. He can’t breathe, searching for air to fill his lungs, desperately gasping. His head hurt so much from the lack of oxygen that he feels it burning. He tries to get up to go under the shower, but his legs are weak and he collapses on the bed again. He tries to call Scott between the gasps, but he didn’t need to, Scott was on his way already.  
Scott enters the room hastily, raises one of Stiles’ arms and throws it over his shoulder, and drags him to the bathroom, where he sits Stiles under the shower and opens it. The cold water takes away the pain in Stiles’ head. Scott gives him the asthma inhaler, which helps Stiles with breathing properly again, and soon Stiles is lying in bed with dry clothes. Scott spends the night sitting in the chair beside Stile’s bed so he can be there if Stiles has another attack.  
The next morning, Stiles doesn’t go to class. He spends the day in the apartment. He cleans, does everyone’s laundry, plays video games, and tries his best to get Derek out of his head. In the afternoon, Scott and Allison give him one more chance to join them in the beach trip. Stiles refuses, and fearful of leaving Stiles alone, Scott convinces Erica to spend the weekend at the apartment with Stiles.  
To his surprise, Erica being there makes him feel better. He had forgotten her ability to make anyone feel better with her constant good humor and perfect word choice. She makes him leave the apartment, takes him to a bar, and lets him get drunk on Friday night. On Saturday, they play videogames all day. While Erica is there, Stiles doesn’t have a single panic attack. Sunday afternoon, Scott and Allison come home, and Erica leaves to the beach house, where she planned to her week off with Isaac  
.

***

The rest of the week is full of nightmares and panic attacks that occur in the middle of the night. Sometimes they are so disturbing that Stiles’ screaming wakes up the neighbors. The next week, Scott manages to convince Lydia to spend the night and help keep an eye on Stiles. For some reason, whenever he was having nightmares, Lydia's voice soothed him. Scott used to call her in emergency situations when they were still in high school. And this is definitely an emergency situation.  
Stiles couldn’t –and wouldn’t- talk to anyone about the panic attacks, nightmares, or Derek. He does’t tell anyone that Derek getting a girlfriend didn’t just break his heart because he was - is - in love with him. Stiles trusted Derek, told him things that not even Scott knew. Derek wasn’t just with another person, he had completely cut Stiles out of his life, and didn’t even need to use words, because the look on his face said everything, and made Sties freak out. Big time. This was not about being gay and having trouble accepting it, it was about keeping Stiles away, even as a friend. And it hurt. It fucking hurt.  
Stiles couldn’t understand why Derek had cut him out. What could he have done to deserve to be left alone without explanation? DDerek was not the kind of person who would simply let go of a friend who was the only person he trusted besides his sister. Well, at least Derek didn’t seem to be the type of person to do that. But, what Stiles did know anyway?  
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.  
And that's why he was having panic attacks. He didn’t know anything, and he hated Derek guts for throwing him away, but, Stiles also loved him, and he had a feeling there was something else going on. He couldn’t hold his feelings inside, all that doubts. So, in his dreams, his mom - and sometimes his dad - died, giving his emotions an outlet.

***

Derek remembers very well the last time he was so confused.

Kate. His family. All his fault. He didn’t want to believe that his sweet girlfriend was the one who had caused the fire. His head was spinning and his thoughts were so jumbled that words barely left his mouth. The police kept asking questions, and the noise was loud. So much noise. So many people.  
"It's all my fault." His own voice kept repeating in his head. Over and over again.  
He had panic attacks. Countless ones. Not only at night, though the ones that occurred at night were the worst. During some of the panic attacks the voices in his head got so loud he would stop fighting for air, hoping he could make them shut up, make them go away. Eventually his body would reflexively stabilize his breathing, but the voices always stayed.

So loud.

But this was different. Guilt filled him, even though he knew that he had done what was necessary to protect Stiles.

Did he, though?

His thoughts were so confused that he honestly didn’t know anymore. Perhaps it had been what was best for Derek. Taking the easy way out by hiding who he really was behind a popular blonde girl that all the guys wanted. But she didn’t take his attention off the person he really wanted, not for a second. Every night he sat on the fire escape outside of Stiles’ window. Derek would wake Scott up every time Stiles was about to wake up having a panic attack. In the early days he threw little stones at Scott’s window, but after a while, he knew that Scott had noticed his presence, so he started to quietly knock on the window and make a motion with his head, indicating Scott needed to go to Stile’s room. The only time the noises stopped were those, when he did something to actually help Stiles, when he was so afraid Stiles would stop fighting for air that he couldn’t think of anything else.  
The noise he heard before dismissing Stiles did not stop, as he anticipated. He didn’t know how to protect Stiles. He didn’t know if he had done the right thing. And during the second week of sleepless nights spent watching Stiles, he realized that he had not done the right thing. The noises were only getting worse, and he no longer knew how to fix things.  
The girl posing as his girlfriend was actually an old friend who knew he was gay, she only pretended to be his girlfriend to help him.  
But he didn’t tell her about Stiles, she would probably just encourage him to come out or something, and that was the last thing he needed. Luckily, he had managed to convince her that Stiles was some kid from med school who was stalking him. But now he needed to tell her the truth, that he was in love with Stiles, and that people were talking about him. About them. About Stiles. That all the talking made the noises come back, like they had after the fire happened. He hadn’t been able to deal with people since, and he had to make the noises stop, because he couldn’t think straight. He was scared.  
Scared? Oh no, it was more than that. He was being a coward. He made Stiles return to the horrors of his childhood and spend weekends in of agony, waking up screaming in the middle of the night. That’s what he had done. And he hated himself for it. He needed to fix things, but he wasn’t sure how to fix them.  
He picked up the phone and dialed Stiles’ number. Unsurprisingly, Stiles didn’t answer, and the call went to voicemail.  
"Stiles ..." Derek started, when the voicemail beeped. "I need to talk to you. Please, just listen to me, okay? Just ... Please. Tomorrow, under the tree, at nine." He couldn’t think of anything else to say and disconnected the call.

***

Stiles carefully listens to what Derek has to say. After two weeks of no communication, that is all he has to offer? A meeting under the tree?  
Of course it isn’t just any tree, it is the tree where they met properly, their tree. Stiles sighs, and on Saturday he fights every impulse and desire that urges in him to leave the apartment and meet Derek.  
"No, Stiles, you're not leaving this apartment." He repeats to himself every time he walks towards the door. Somehow, every time he heads to the door, the words give him the strength to turn around and sit on the couch again.  
He glances at his watch, ten o’clock. It is past time for Lydia to come over. Maybe she is spending a little more time with Jackson. At that moment, he hears knock at the door. He walks towards it, convinced that it is Lydia.  
“You are so la…” He says as he opened the door, choking the words down as soon as he sees who's standing there.  
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Stiles spits the words, trying to close the door on Derek. The effort proves to be useless when Derek grabs the door to hold it open.  
"Stiles ..."  
"Look, I didn’t go to the tree, and there was a reason for that. I don’t wanna talk to you, Derek. "  
"Stiles, please!" Derek begs, wich his words, his voice tone, and his eyes. Stiles sighs, because his heart melts, he just can't say no to that Derek, the one that begs him.  
"Give me one reason."  
"The fire that killed family. It was my fault."  
Stiles can’t figure out the connection, so he just blinks in confusion. "The girl that set fire to my family’s house ... she was my girlfriend." Stiles' eyes widen. He is finding it difficult to digest the information, and still can’t figure out the connection, so he keeps quiet. "You are the first person I have trusted since the fire. Besides my sister, you are the only person I care about, Stiles."  
"Yeah.You have a really nice way of showing it."  
"Stiles, just ... let me talk, okay?" Derek seems to be forcing himself to keep talking.  
"Okay."  
"People, they were talking about it. About us. They were saying all kinds of stuff. There were some guys talking about how it would be like raping you, Stiles, and I... I care about you so much, and there were so many noises, so many people, and they started screaming in my head. I was so confused, and you were so sure about everything. About who you are and about how you feel about me, and it all just... all those thoughts, they just tangled in a knot I couldn’t untie. I needed to make it stop. So I pretended not to care, I even got a fake girlfriend. I just needed to make the voices stop." Derek walks from one side of the hallway to the other, practically screaming the words. Stiles doesn’t know what to say. Finally, he understands. Derek didn’t want to tell anyone that he was gay because he felt suffocated by the crowds. Everyone around him were constantly asking questions about his family, and he never had the time to grieve or deal with his guilt. Everything became clear in Stiles’ mind. He shakes his head to send away the cloud of negative thoughts he had about Derek. Derek had been hurt so brutally that he could no longer be who he was; he had lost the courage to let anyone see his true self.  
Stiles wants to kiss him, hold him, and comfort him. But Derek keeps talking.  
"And then you started having panic attacks, those fucking panic attacks. I saw how you were feeling because of what I had done. One night you had such a terrible one that I had to get as far away from you as I could…and then I had one myself. "  
"Wait, my panic attacks? You...you were watching? "  
"All the time."  
Derek's words start replaying in Stiles' head, he's flabbergasted, but not surprised. And then he notices the last thing Derek said.  
"Oh my God... I gave you a panic attack? "  
"The voices, Stiles. They were so loud. They _are_ so loud. So fucking loud. "  
"Derek."  
"I needed to make them stop, I wasn't thinking clearly, and now ..."  
"Derek ..."  
"Look what I've done. I can’t believe I did this to you ..."  
"Derek!" Stiles screams. Derek stopps talking instantly and stares at him. "I'm going to kiss you now, okay?" Stiles moves towards Derek to kiss him, and Derek responds him doing the same. They meet halfway, and begin to kiss slowly and passionately, putting their emotions for each other into that one kiss. Stiles grabbs Derek's shirt with both hands, curling the fabric on his fingers, holding tight, as if that moment could go away at any second. Derek puts his hands on Stiles’ hips and pulls him close. Their bodies are so close together that they seem to become one. Their kiss is slow and intimate, and when their lips finally separate, they know people are looking at them, but they don’t care. They stay apart for a moment, looking into each other’s eyes and enjoying the feeling of finally being together. Their bodies entwine as they begin to kiss again. Stiles loses his fear that Derek would leave, and allows his hands to let go of Derek’s shirt in favor of exploring his body, using his fingertips to feel the hard muscles under his lover's skin. And soon kissing is no longer enough.  
"Derek, would you please get inside the apartment?" Stiles whispers, low enough that only Derek could hear him.  
"I don't want you to feel pushed into doing anything." He whispered back.  
"I am not. The only thing I'm feeling right now is you. And I know you want it too."  
Derek has no trouble giving in. They stagger into the apartment, still kissing, as they stumbled to Stiles’ room. Derek uses his foot to close the doors behind them. After the bedroom door is closed, Derek wastes no time in taking off Stiles’ shirt, pushing him onto the bed. Stiles quickly takes Derek’s shirt off and unzips and unbuttons his jeans. Before they know it, they are both naked and kissing on Stiles’ bed. It feels too good to be true.

***

Scott and Allison get home on Sunday afternoon to find the apartment a complete mess. Stiles and Derek are both asleep on the couch, Stiles sitting with his head falling to the side and Derek lying, his body curled and his head on Stiles' lap.  
"What the fuck is this?" Scott yells. Derek and Stiles quickly wake up at Scott’s voice.  
"Holy shit Scott. Can you not scare me to death every time we talk?" Stiles complains.  
"I can, when you explain what the hell happened to the apartment." Stiles laughs softly.  
"Well, we had a little...playful weekend, I guess?"  
"Are you telling me you guys fucked on our couch?"  
"What? Dude, no! We were watching TV and fell asleep on the couch. Relax, I'll clean it up. "  
Allison, who was silent the whole time, approaches Derek to whisper something in his ear that Stiles can’t hear, but Scott seems to agree with. She and Scott retreat to his room and shut the door.  
"What did she say to you?" Stiles asks.  
"She said that if I break your heart again I will have an entire pack coming after me." Derek responds with a chuckle.  
"Well, don’t I have the best friends in the world?" Stiles says before hugging and pulling Derek to lie back down.

***

"Hey, Stiles, is Friday, our game, remember?" Scott says from the bedroom door, already dressed for the game. Stiles jumps out of bed.  
"Oh my God, I totally forgot. Can you wait?" Scott nods.  
"Hurry." He says.  
Stiles throws on a jersey with a big number 7 on the front, black pants and a brown coat before joining Scott at the front door, and leaving the apartment.  
They get to the court well before the game was supposed to start, but the bleachers are already filled with people. Stiles quickly finds Danny in the stands, and pulls Allison to join him. He sees Derek grinning at him from up there, and turned around, taking his coat off. It read 'HALE', and a big number 7 under it. Derek chuckles and shakes his head when Stiles turns to look at him again.  
"Dude, he's totally gay," Danny says.  
"Told you." Stiles replies, grinning, and screaming "go Hale" when he sees Derek making some kind of encouragement speech to the team.  
Stiles, Danny and Allison small talk until the teams take the court.  
Derek and Scott’s team beats its opponent, winning by three points. The after game celebration is noisy, and Stiles can tell that Derek and Scott wanted to leave. He and Allison leave the court and join Derek and Scott on one of the long benches in the small square next to the cafeteria.  
"Too much noise?" Stiles asks as he sits next to Derek, who nods in response. Stiles grabs Derek's hand and smiles at him, pressing kisses to his knuckles right after.  
"You know, I try not to be the old-fashioned guy that I am, but someone taught me never to go against my heart, so I am doing this." At Derek’s comment, Stiles becomes confused.  
"Doing what?" He asks.  
Derek turnes and motions for Stiles to turn too, so they are facing each other. He holds Stiles’ hands, covering them with his own.  
"Stiles Stilinski ..." He begins, giving a sheepish smile. "Would you, officially, be my boyfriend?" Stiles lets out a sigh of surprise, followed by a laugh, because Derek, Derek Hale, the powerful bad wolf, was being romantic.  
"What? You are being romantic? Are you serious?" Derek rolls his eyes at this.  
“Stiles, don’t ruin it, I’m making enough effort already.” Derek mumbles. Stiles struggles to hold back another laugh.  
“Sorry.” He says, looking at Derek's eyes, grinning like an idiot, until Derek loses his patience.  
“Fucking answer, Stiles.” He demands, and only now Stiles notices he really didn’t answer, but only because he didn’t think he needed to.  
“I'm just being cool about this because I know you're not good with speaking, but know I am totally against this cute couple crap.” He says. "And yes, I wanna be your fucking boyfriend." Derek smiles and kisses him.  
“You fucking love the cute couple crap.” Derek mumbles after parting his lips.  
"And so do you, you just pretend you don't. Which makes it weird that you just did this."  
"Well, you know how the heart works, Stiles. The damn thing goes after what the damn thing wants."  
"Right." Stiles says, smiling wide.  
"But you know is not going to be easy, right?" Derek asks, nervousness suddenly hitting him.  
“As long as neither of us have panic attacks at the same time, we’ll be just fine.”  
They both smile wide at each other, and Derek flips his middle finger at some kids calling them faggots before leaning over to kiss Stiles again. 

**Author's Note:**

> So that's it, yays.  
> Sorry about my grammar, and about writing as a shithead in english, still not used to it, but I'll get there someday.  
> Follow me on [tumblr](http://sassyashale.tumblr.com/) and feel free to send me prompts, I love prompts.


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